Alright folks! They say the truth is out there! But I say it's right here in this article! Or so I pretentiously imagine. So let's get right down to it and asked the number one question:
Who and what are the real Men in Black?
They are Shadow Men, Dark Strangers, Ominous Visitors, Sinister Intruders, the Silencers -- and yes! -- Men in Black! Call them what you will! Forget about Agents J and K in that heretical Men in Black movie and its silly sequel; these flicks are sheer fantasy, if not insults upon the genuine MIB mythology. In fact, those two movies were probably part of yet another grand cover-up, creating misdirection and misinformation for misguided gullible people like us, so that we will believe these strange dark men are actually heroic figures, saving us from evil aliens and invaders. But this kind of hoopla is simply something out of science-fiction and not even remotely real. Remember, the government covers up the cover-up, and then all that is covered up again, so that we don't know what is really being covered up anymore! It's all swept under the carpet! Which should make us kind of suspicious about that odd lumpy carpet -- eh?
So the real questions are: Who are they? What are they doing here? Where do they come from? Another world? Another time? Another dimension? Are these mysterious men in black products of science-fiction or science fact? Or do they fall in the cracks somewhere in between? Slipping through the cracks and crevices, down to some dismal abyss out of sight and out of mind. And if there are Men in Black, are there also Men in White? Of course there are! And they're coming to take me away-ha-ha!
And, above all: are there Women in Black? If it's true that women will always continue to be a mystery to men, obviously women in black are a thousand times more mysterious! Bottom line: Men in Black do in fact exist -- at least that's my gullible contention. They're out there! And so is the truth! It's out there too! And they're hiding it from us! Trust no one! Not them! Not you! Not even me! Because I probably don't know what I'm freaking talking about!
Okay, folks, ever since that harmless weather balloon (HA!) crashed near Roswell, New Mexico, in 1947, there was a gigantic explosion of UFO sightings all over the world! Everyone was seeing flying saucers everywhere and everyone was being abducted by aliens! (Don't mind me, I'm just attempting to incite a riot of dramatic effect here.) Then suddenly the mysterious Shadow Men were seen lurking around UFO eyewitnesses' doorsteps to shut them up, to silence them, threatening cruel punishment if they parted their tender lips to the Press, Police, FBI, NSA, CIA, IBM, KFC, anyone and everyone who would listen! The insidious Men in Black have been perpetrating a major conspiracy of epileptic proportions, initiating countless cover-ups to conceal their diabolical agenda! There's no room for conspiratorial theory here, just outright pulling the wool over innocent people=s eyes. These insidious intruders instigate the concealment of dark secrets, raw facts, and debilitating data, so people will remain in the dark. But why? What's so frightening? What's out there anyway? Monsters under the bed? The Bogeyman? Santa Claus in the nude? I dunno -- I'm still trying to figure that out myself.
Hollywood has glorified these ominously sinister Dark Intruders -- but it's a romantic ruse that is deceiving people who just want to know what the heck's going on behind closed doors. The amusing Men in Black movies may hold minuscule grains of truth, but not much, because they're filled with impossible outworldishly fantastic boat-loads of ridiculous gobbledygook. That's not to say I didn't enjoy them, because I did -- immensely! But I had to just keep in mind that I was observing sheer fantasy, in contrast to the actual facts that I knew concerning the real Men in Black mythology -- or notions that are as close to actual factual facts as remotely ambiguously possible, or at least counterfeit facsimiles thereof.
On the other hand, my left hand in fact, the extravagant sci-fi chiller thriller flick called The Shadow Men is closer to the mark - somewhat vaguely at any rate. At least it urges you to reluctantly ask hypothetical questions, such as: "Why are they just men, and wearing only black? Are any of them cross-dressers wearing black dresses?" But more importantly you will ask, "Where's all the Women in Black?" I'd say, probably at funerals. And you'll probably ask, "Why do they wear those ominous dark shades? And what's behind them? Big black bug eyes? Red eyes? Cat's eyes? No eyes? What?!" There are numerous blatantly conflicting reports on this (even in my own personal notes) -- which means that nobody really knows anything.
Here's more quagmire-drenched inquiries: Are they only night-dwellers? Are they sensitive to sunlight? Do these sinister creatures live only in darkness? Are they afraid of the light? Are they satanic cultists? Who are they? What are they? And what are they doing here? Why are they threatening and shutting people up? What are they covering up? Yes, we know there are UFOs and aliens out there, so what are they doing here? Are they planning an invasion of the Earth and so they're hiding that little dark secret from us? Alright, it's just a theory so far, but I think I'm on to something here. I'm getting closer and closer, day by day, in my not so futile effort of unearthing the truth about what on Earth is happening around here -- and what's really happening out there -- up in the sky and out in space in particular where the UFOs seem to be coming from. What the explanations of these unexplained phenomenon are, I don't know yet. But I'm definitely getting closer. You see, I don't have a whole lot of answers. But mostly I have a million more questions. Such as, do they have some kind of cosmic suggestion box where I can drop all my millions of questions?
And let's not forget: If the truth is really out there, where the heck is it?
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The preceding article is from "Strange Reports from Zones Unknown," a collection of accounts involving the paranormal, Ufology, conspiracy theories, cover-ups, and other intriguing topics of the weird and unusual. You can find further articles and short stories written by R. R. Stark at:
Strange Reports from Zones Unknown: http://www.bamblebrush.com/ssfm/blog/rss.asp
R. R. Stark’s Strange and Curious Stories: [http://www.bamblebrush.com/online_books/rrstark/rrstark.asp]
Copyright 2006-2007 by R. R. Stark -- All Rights Reserved
